Tea time.
A chance to slow down, connect, and appreciate life in the middle of your day.
“Five for tea! There’s hope.” This was one of my daughter’s yearbook quotes. When I read it, I chuckled and got a little teary. Let me explain.
I was born and raised in England; land of Big Ben, football without helmets, the B.B.C., quaint villages, the Queen, and tea. Tea is a way of life in England and something that has stayed with me even after living in the States for thirty years. “Tea time” is traditionally around 3 p.m. and so that’s when I normally celebrate this piece of British culture. If I’m at home, I’ll ask, “Who wants tea?” When all three children were still living with us — two are now in college — there was the possibility I would be making tea for five people if you include me and my wife. It made me happy when everyone wanted tea, and hence I would exclaim, “Five for tea!” My family knew all too well my feelings about tea — it was a good thing, and if you were a tea drinker, life would likely turn out just fine; in other words, “There’s hope” for you.
But there was another, much more important reason that I got excited when there were five for tea. If everyone in the family said “yes,” it meant we would all sit down together and share a few minutes drinking our tea and eating the baked goods my wife had invariably prepared. It was a respite in the middle of normal family life when we would just be together with no great purpose. We would simply hang out and chat. And that’s what tea time is all about and why it’s so special. It’s a time to relax with people, to talk, muse, discuss, or even pontificate.
So it might not surprise you that when my two eldest children went off to college, my wife and I sent them away with an electric kettle and a teapot.
Time out here to explain something important. I don’t wish to be condescending but I’ve been asked many times about the difference between the kettle and the teapot. They are different and have distinct roles in tea time. The kettle is used to boil the water and the teapot is where the tea is brewed. The kettle is the vessel that whistles on the stovetop; nowadays it is more likely to be an electric version that clicks off automatically when the water is boiled. The boiling water is poured into the teapot that contains the tea leaves or tea bags.
You can imagine my excitement when one afternoon around 3:30 p.m., my son texted a video of tea time in his dorm room! He had invited four friends over for tea and the video showed them with mugs in hand, laughing, and clearly wondering why he needed to send a video of this to his Dad. My guess is he explained the significance later so maybe they now understand. It doesn’t really matter if they get it, but more importantly there’s hope for all of them.
I was reminded recently of the value of tea time. I’m so used to it I probably take it for granted, so I was glad to get this positive reinforcement. A friend came over in the middle of tea time to drop something off. My wife, Amy, and I were sitting together doing the tea thing — nothing particular, just sitting, drinking tea, and chatting. The friend stayed for a few minutes and then left. The next day, his wife told me what he said when he got home. “Nick and Amy were just sitting there! Just chatting. Not rushing around like crazy people. Just sitting and talking!” I guess tea time is a little unusual in our society.
Since I enjoy the ritual so much, I always jump at the chance to expose new people to tea time. This happened with my neighbor, Marty. He had stopped in one day around tea time and was curious. He joined us for tea and asked lots of questions. He appeared to be quite serious about bringing this tradition to his own family. Sure enough, about a week later, Marty sent me a photo of tea time at his house, complete with teapot and cookies. Yes, there’s hope for Marty’s family!
Maybe you’re wondering how I manage to have tea time at 3 p.m. and why I’m not working. Most of the stories above occurred at the weekend, but I also have tea at work. My office set up includes an electric kettle, teapot, and cups. I work at a school so tea time comes right around the end of classes. My colleagues know that I can usually be found at this time enjoying a cup of tea. For a period of seven years, I was the high school principal. In that role, I led faculty meetings about once a week at the end of the school day, around 3:30 p.m. Perhaps the most productive meeting in terms of building faculty morale happened one year right before our winter break. The faculty arrived expecting a normal meeting, but I surprised them with a tea party. My wife deserves much of the credit here for she was the one who made the food, set the tables, and created the atmosphere. There was no agenda for the meeting except that we would sit, drink tea, eat the snacks, and talk to each other. I’m not sure how much the teachers normally enjoyed my meetings, but that one seemed to go over very well.
Tea time has been part of my school life in other ways. Every Thursday afternoon from 2:45 to 3:15 p.m. teachers meet with their advisees. This is a group of about ten students who we work with throughout the school year on a variety of topics. Given the time that we meet, it is a perfect opportunity to spread the tea message to my young charges. So now I make tea in my office and about six of them regularly join me. In true tea time fashion, it’s a chance to chat with the students and get to know them a little better. There’s something about sharing a cup of tea that slows everyone down, relaxes them a little bit, and provides some time to chat without distraction. I should add that tea time with my advisees is significantly enhanced by the cakes/scones/muffins that my wife bakes every week.
But perhaps the best tea experiences at work have been with my two eldest children. When they were seniors they would occasionally stop by my office at the end of the school day and join me for tea. They had a small window before sports practices, and, much to my delight, they would choose to spend that time drinking tea with their Dad. Of course that gave us a chance to chat for a few minutes. I wonder if those conversations would have happened without the tea?
None of these stories would be too surprising in England. I was reminded of the normality of tea in my home country when I visited with my wife a few years ago. The Brits drink tea at all times of the day and often at regular intervals. Late afternoon is still the traditional time but really any hour can be tea time in England. It’s expected that you offer a cup of tea to any visitors to your house including plumbers, electricians and the like who might be doing some work for you. My parents were in the middle of relocating when we visited and the movers arrived during our stay. Naturally, my Mom offered them a cup of tea and they accepted. About an hour later, they had another cup. Bemused and amused by their regular tea drinking while working, my wife started to offer them tea about every thirty minutes just to see if they would keep accepting. Mostly, they did.
My tendency to make tea a priority did cause an issue one time. I was on a month-long bike trip in Australia with my wife working our way towards the Great Ocean Road. Just as we approached an isolated restaurant, my wife’s bike had a mechanical issue that was beyond repair without parts. Given the location of the nearest bike store, we would need to catch the bus that stopped at this restaurant. We were sitting at a picnic table outside getting ready to make tea. (Yes, even on a bike trip, we were carrying the necessary supplies — camping stove, pot, tea bags, and mugs.) A bus arrived but we didn’t board because I suggested we have tea first and catch the next one. We were in no great rush. The bus left, we finished our tea, and I went inside to ask what time the next bus would arrive. Good thing we weren’t in a rush — the next bus was due in two days! The story ends well because we hitched a ride with a young American couple who were also traveling the Great Ocean Road, so we got to see the Twelve Apostles and made it safely to a bike store.
It’s fair to say that tea time is an important part of my life. The “tea” is certainly significant, but the “time” and the people I share it with are what make it special. Maybe you have some other custom that you share with friends, family, or anyone else that allows you to take a break in the middle of life; a time to pause and do nothing but connect. If not, try your hand at tea time. It’s pretty easy, and if you do, there’ll be hope for you too!
